It's my Nephew, Kurt's first birthday!
and I'm writing this an hour before the party begins so I'm totally gonna keep this short. (but watch me write a 4 min journal about this cause that's how I roll)
I went to bed pretty late after a long day. talked to the fam and posted the blog on my social media sites- which by the way, is a first for me. I haven't used any of my social media accounts in years. I would write here or there, or browse but not commit to posting weekly.
Social media has always been a mystery to me. I can do twitter and Instagram, but only to browse on the latest updates; not posting. I've always been insecure about myself and I didn't know what to post cause I felt like there were so many eyes were on me. Everyone browses nowadays, it's fascinating. We went from writing letters, sending ravens to sending emojis and posting selfies on stories. I'm not the kind of person that shares stories. I'm a very private person and I like my own space. I will be posting about some of my major posts there though haha...
Don't get me wrong, I don't think Social Media shouldn't be used. But to someone like me, I don't feel the need to share my life with others. Like I like to take photos but keep it to myself as memories. I feel pressured when I post online. You suddenly start thinking if people will like it if people will hate it and I've already lived like that my whole life.
I always received backhanded comments since the day I was born to the point that I'm used to it. I guess I didn't want to add more to that with the social world.
I'm anti-social anyway so whatever.
But I got to thinking yesterday over the profiles I had. I've been on youtube for so long and I had profiles for it and everything but I never really used it. I was afraid that if I posted something random it wouldn't represent my image well.
But then it hit me that I'm only portraying myself on the internet. I wasn't copying anyone. I was creating covers because I enjoyed them. I could just tweet when I wanted, post pictures on insta/fb when I wanted cause that's me. I didn't have to be scared of posting cause it's just me.
And I guess that's been a huge revelation for me who's been so stuck on trying to make everyone like what I do. I always felt the need for approval from other people. I wanted a clean-cut image for myself but it didn't fit me at all. It's a constant inner struggle.
Back when I did an English cover of GOGOBEBE by Mamamoo and I received so many comments on my SoundCloud page, my self-esteem went so low that I got scared again. I got back on my feet though after a few encouraging words and I wished I held on to it for future uses.
I'm gonna try and learn to just be myself. I don't need anyone's validation, I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing and I'm gonna loveee ittttt.
anyways it took me 20 minutes to type this. I started on 3:04 pm and now it's 3:24 pm
Sorrynotsorry for the short (LONG) rant/feelingscandidism lol
if anyone has ever felt the way that I did, I hope you dont feel that way anymore <3
You can do it!!
Anyways just to end this, it's my nephew's birthday today. he was born last year and now he's 1 year old. he's the cutest baby ever and I love him to death. time flies by so fast and in a couple of months, I'm gonna be 23.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...
.
.
.
.
.
when I'm 43, Kurt's gonna be 20. LIKE ISNT THAT SO DAMN FAST WHY DO THEY HAVE TO GROW UP SO FAST HE'S SO DAMN CUTE ldsgadlgjaslgk AND SO PRECIOUS LIKE AWW MY HEART
anyways, I've used the word 'anyways' 5 times now. made u count right? HAHAHAH
well, I gotta go and get the party started, thanks for reading today's blog.
SEE YOU TOMORROW!
love,
geo.
p.s. for anyone wondering why I use a different name here than on Facebook:
I am Geovanna on youtube (slnaofficial) but my real name's Kim or Anne. lol LET ME LIVE kbye
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